Broken Notes Read online

  His hand caressed my thigh and he kissed me softly, licking my lips. He moved down my neck, sending chills over every inch of my body. Tender, warm, wet kisses covered all the way down to my stomach, then to my thighs. He took me into his mouth. Toe-curling doesn’t even begin to describe how he made me feel. I was in a complete pleasure blackout, and it ended way too soon. I’m sure the whole universe heard me scream, but I didn’t care at that moment; all I wanted was more of him.

  “Oh my God,” I said, breathless, covering my face. “Mmmm.” I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensations that were still flowing through me.

  “I love drinking you up. You’re so fuckin’ hot.” His voice was husky with desire.

  “I still ache for you,” I whispered, sitting up. I took him into my hand, and he was as hard as a rock. I stroked him. “I need more of you.”

  He smiled softly. “You want more, huh?” His eyebrows rose in amusement.

  “I wanna make your eyes roll into the back of your head,” I purred, giggling, and poked him in the chest.

  I wanted to be as close to him as I could. I wanted to be a part of him. I prayed that it wouldn’t hurt like it did the first time. I wanted to get off with him inside me; that hadn’t happened my entire time in London.

  “You drive me crazy, you feel so good,” he moaned in my ear, moving my hips as close as they could be. He filled me completely. I wanted to wince through the first several thrusts, but the pain ebbed and didn’t return. Only warm, pulsing goodness ebbed through me. Watching the pleasure-filled pain wash over Jake’s face made me feel something I’d never felt before; for the first time, I felt like a woman.

  Our blur of lust was finally satisfied, leaving us spent and curled up in each other’s arms. “Do we really have to go to dinner at your house?” I whined.

  I wanted to stay in bed with him for the rest of the night before I had to face my father. He’d been acting like Jake didn’t exist, talking like I would be around all summer. He conveniently forgot that I would be in New York during our annual family vacation.

  Jake propped his too-handsome head up in his hand and stared at me with his devastating blue eyes, making me melt into him. I kissed his chin and neck over and over again. He sighed. “We don’t have to. But I don’t wanna be a dick. I left my mom crying and all emo.” He collapsed onto his back and rubbed his face, staring at the ceiling. His muscular arms made his new tattoos beyond hot. “Notting moved in.”

  “What?!” The news propelled me to sit up, pulling at the sheets to cover my boobs.

  Jake smiled. “You know, you don’t have to cover them. I think they like being naked, having me admire their perfectly round perkiness….and being played with.” He reached out, squeezing one.

  “Stop it,” I giggled, hitting his hand away. I crossed my legs, thinking more of Notting and his mom. “You know I never thought anything of him being around with out you there. But now that you say it, his truck was always parked at your house.”

  “Yep. My mom didn’t tell me. I found out because I asked and she got all tongue-tied.” He half laughed, getting out of the bed. His butt was perfectly round, like an athlete’s. His legs were strong, and I admired them as he disappeared into the bathroom.

  “You need to get some sun. I don’t recall you ever being this white,” I shouted, smiling. I heard the shower turn on. “What? Doesn’t the sun shine in the city?”

  I heard him laugh. “Not like it does here!”

  ***

  I sat staring at Jake. Are you kidding me? He still had a girlfriend and she had no idea that he was essentially leaving her to move in with me, into a brand new apartment.

  “I seriously can’t believe you,” I said, flabbergasted. I couldn’t think of anything else to say at that moment, and paced back and forth. I should have been angry, but instead, I felt overwhelming sympathy for what was to come for Sophia. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I shouted.

  He breathed in deeply. “You’re not mad?”

  “I don’t know what I am! I guess, yeah, I’m mad! I’m also sad for Sophia! What the fuck are you thinking?”

  He shook his head and looked at the ceiling in frustration. “I didn’t want to deal with it. I’d been blowing her off and not seeing her as often, and I guess I hoped it would just go away.”

  “It? You mean she. You sound like you’re ten years old, Jake,” I jeered. Now I was getting truly angry, and I huffed, pointing at him. “You need to call her. I don’t wanna show up somewhere and have her there, not knowing what’s going on.”

  “I can’t do this over the phone. I told you that. I promise I’ll take care of it as soon as we get there. I promise you won’t have to deal with any of this.”

  “I sure hope not,” I squeaked out, already convinced that this was not going to go over easily. Scenes from the Rachel episodes flashed in my head. “This is gonna be a repeat of Rachel, you just watch.”

  “No, no it’s not. Sophia already knows about you. She knew we were together in London.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m sorry for dragging it out.”

  This made me feel worse for her, and I stared at Jake wondering, what else he was going to spring on me. I sulked into the bathroom to take a shower without another word. I wanted so badly to ask if he’d still been sleeping with her, but I was too afraid of what the answer would be. I didn’t want to hear a yes. He was fully mine now. Sophia was just a formality

  4

  Jake

  Aly had her damp hair pulled into a tight bun. Her face was luminous against the setting sunlight streaming through the car windows. She was the most precious thing in my life, and I’d never been happier. Everything I’d ever dreamt of was happening. I was alive and healthy, my band was whole, and everybody in my life was right where they wanted to be. Dump seemed on the mend from his sickness and he had given up smoking. He and Sienna were happily set up in Midtown. Devon, our fill-in guitarist, still toured with us even after Bobby returned, and Bobby and Marshall were still together.

  Even with all of it ostensibly falling into place, uneasiness churned in my stomach. Aly didn’t seem as excited about coming to New York as I thought she’d be, even before I sprung the whole Sophia debacle on her. I squeezed her hand. She smiled, leaning her head back against the headrest and looking out the window. I turned the corner into our neighborhood, my nerves itching at me.

  “How you doin’?” I rattled her hand.

  She sighed quickly, and then an even bigger sigh followed. “I’m just nervous about everything. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat.”

  “Don’t be nervous.” I said reassuringly. I also worried how it’d go over. Aly and my mother hadn’t seen each other since before I’d informed her that Aly was moving with me to New York.

  The evening moved along, with my mother lost in the kitchen as Aly and I watched TV. I wondered when and if Notting would come home, or if my mom had asked him to stay away. I’d bet any amount of money that she asked him to stay out; that’s just how she operated.

  As all these thoughts ran through my head, I glanced at Aly, who looked petrified. She didn’t return my affection, begging me under her breath to leave her alone. I playfully taunted her until she punched me hard in the arm, leaving a charlie-horse as a reminder for me to behave.

  “Kids, dinner’s ready!” my mom shouted. Aly glanced at me, rolling her eyes. She whispered her under her breath, “here we go.”

  ***

  I pushed the rice around my plate. It was palpable that Aly was on edge. I could feel it as she quietly carved away at her enchiladas, unable to look up from her plate, even though my mother kept an upbeat demeanor. My mother cleared her throat, glanced at me, and then looked at Aly. Aly held her stare. All I could do was chew my food, wondering what the fuck would happen next. My mother opened her mouth to speak, and to my surprise, it was Aly’s voice I heard.

  “Kate,” Aly said. She placed her fork and knife on her plate, never taking her eyes off of her. Oh shit. �
��I know a lot has happened.” She shook her head, looking between the both of us, smiling ironically. “And I’m sure it’s as hard for you to sit there as it is for me to sit here, pretending that we don’t have a past, but I just want you to know that I love Jake more than you could ever know. No matter what happens, I’ll always have his best interest at heart.”

  I could see my mother gulp as she blinked, surprised at Aly’s bold, mature attitude. I was more astonished.

  “Alyssa, dear.” She smiled, then pressed her fingers between her eyebrows before she spoke. “After the time we spent in London, I’ve come to believe that you do care deeply for Jake. I know you understand what he’s been through in his life and how hard he’s worked. You’re both grown now, so there’s not much else to say.” She shrugged. “I’ve chatted with your brother over the last few years, and it seems you’ve really got it together. You have your pick of colleges. I’m sure your father is proud.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “I can only image what he must think about you going off with Jake to New York, after all that’s happened.”

  Aly chuckled softly, and her eyes grew wide, brightening the energy in the room. “Yeah, he’s pretending it’s not gonna happen, or I don’t know what. Maybe he really did forget.”

  “I doubt it,” I guffawed, almost spitting the food out of my mouth.

  “I’ll be reminding him soon enough,” Aly said a bit loudly. Her hand slipped under the table, clasping my thigh, sending a warm sensation pulsing through my veins. Crazy, I thought, how one simple move could have such an affect on me.

  “Speaking of, I, um,” I stammered, “Mom, I was hoping that you’d do me a huge favor.”

  “What?” Her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed together.

  “Um, I was hoping that you’d go over and talk to Aly’s dad, you know, and tell him that you’re aware of what’s going and stuff like that.”

  “Stuff like that?” She crossed her arms to her chest. “No, I will do no such thing. You’re twenty-one, and I have nothing to say to that man.” She looked at Aly, smiling sadly. “I’m sure you understand. He’d have to come over here and be accountable for all the insults. I don’t care how much time has gone by; I’m not having it.”

  “I’m really sorry about all that, about everything, Kate.” Aly rung her hands. “I don’t know what we were thinking back then, any of us.”

  I totally regretted saying anything to my mom in front of Aly. I was simply hoping that Aly and I would be able to leave as one big modern family, all made up and happy – as if.

  I cleared my throat, wanting to change the subject. “That was a long time ago, it’s time to drop it. Sorry I brought it up.” I stood, pushing my chair away. I gave my mother a hard stare, silently telling her to move along to a different subject, and grabbed my plate.

  “You’re right. The past is the past. Just know that sometimes the past can come back to bite you.”

  “What? A past that you’re just letting go of, finally?” I lightly huffed, shaking my head. “I really don’t think we need to talk about pasts, especially with you.”

  “Jake, stop it!” Aly scolded me.

  “No, Aly, he’s right,” my mom remarked calmly, looking at me, then back to Aly. “On another note, he’s so quick to judge, yet has no idea what he’s judging.”

  I threw my free hand up. “And that’s my fault? I practically begged you this morning to tell me…”

  “Jake!” Aly chimed with an edge I’d not heard before. “Like you said, I think we need to move on.”

  Her courage took me aback and perked me up. Twice in a row, I wasn’t used to her speaking up. Especially since it was against me, though I couldn’t keep the smile from peeking out at the sides of my mouth. I was intrigued by her new personality trait. It was hot. I drank her in with my eyes for a long moment, and the aching pressure of yearning ran through me. Her slender arms hung motionless at her sides as she stared me down, daring me to keep giving my mom shit. I forced myself to stop fantasizing about what I would do to her if my mother hadn’t been sitting right in front of us.

  I stepped over and grabbed the plate that sat in front of her, then gave her a peck on the forehead. Her hand lightly wrapped around my calf as I stood next to her, making me go weak. It spurred me to clear my throat self-consciously. “So, when’s Notting gonna be back? Been missin’ that guy.” I didn’t look at my mom or Aly as I walked to the sink. I focused on rinsing the plate in my hand.

  “Well, he actually should be back here any time now.”

  “Why didn’t he have dinner with us?” I turned the water off and looked around for a towel.

  “I wanted to be alone with you for a little bit.” Control freak, I thought. This irritated me. It was never-ending; poor Notting, being kept away from where he lived. I ran my wet hands through my hair.

  “You didn’t have to do that.” I glared at my mom.

  “Jake,” Aly broke in, rising from her seat. “I think I’m gonna get going.”

  My eyes darted to Aly. “No, no. It’s cool.” I motioned with my hands for her calm down. “I’ll stop. I just don’t get it.” I said, looking at my mother and shaking my head.

  My mom ignored my remark and began clearing a few things off the table. “Are you excited to be graduating tomorrow, Aly? Ready to embark on your new adventures?”

  Aly looked at me, smiling. “I’m ready to move on with my life. Yes, I’m very excited.”

  “I’m sure tomorrow will be quite a stir at the ceremony, having Jake there.” Her tone was a bit condescending.

  What? What was that supposed to mean? I glanced at Aly, and she looked perplexed too.

  “What? Mom, she had no idea I was coming.”

  She sighed loudly. “I hope it doesn’t turn into a scene, that’s all.”

  ***

  Aly had such a knack for sneaking away unheard. It was her graduation day and our D-Day. My stomach flipped, thinking about seeing her mom and dad at the ceremony and conversing with them about our future. I rolled over into a ball, staring out across my hotel room, wishing I could just avoid it and be on the plane back to New York. I glanced at the clock. It was still early, 8:30 am. I decided to make my way to the gym, wondering if my membership was still valid.

  Arriving at the gym, I was stoked the parking lot wasn’t at full capacity, which meant no waiting for machines. Walking through the familiar foyer brought me back to when my mom would force the band to work out as part of the deal. I chuckled to myself. Maybe her demands made an impression on me, because it was now always important for me to stay in shape and clean. Even during my relapses into using, I still made sure to work out, telling myself it would clean out my system faster. Maybe it did.

  A pretty blonde with big brown eyes stood behind the counter, ready to greet me. “Hello, your name?” she said, smiling brightly as I approached closer.

  “Jake Masters.” I smiled in return. “I’m not sure if my membership is still valid.”

  She batted her eyes at me, then looked back at her screen and back up at me, blinking twice. “Yes, you’re still active. Your account is on auto-pay.”

  “Really? Hmm. My mom must have forgotten about it.” I shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed to have mentioned my mother. “I think it’s about time that I switch over the account. Can you put it on my credit card now?”

  “Sure.”

  I tossed my credit card onto the counter. She took care of business while I checked out the scene. It was, as I’d thought, nearly empty.

  As I made my way into the locker room, I kept having a pretend conversation with Aly’s parents in my head. As if it would go that way, but hey it was making me feel better to be somewhat prepared. Rounding a corner, I was surprised to spot Notting. He was stuffing his things into a locker. Did he pass right by me in the lobby? He must not have noticed me. I wondered if my mom was there too.

  “Not, hey man!” I said excitedly.

  He looked over his shoulder with a huge smile on his face.
“Saw you at the front.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  He shrugged. “You were taking care of your business.”

  I embraced him in a tight bear hug, patting him on the back as I released him. “Missed you last night, man. Sorry Kate’s still being weird about stuff.” I wanted him to know I was aware of what was going on.

  He sighed deeply and shook his head. “Son, I’m not sure about things,” he said sadly.

  My stomach sank. Shit, maybe my mom’s time had run out. She was finally out of rope with him. I gulped and felt hot under my collar. I just stared at him blankly. I had no idea what to ask or to say, and before I’d realized it, a few words sprung out. “But you just moved in, right?”

  “Jake, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t think I should be discussing our issues with you.”

  “Not, man, I think you know it’s all good with me. I know mom has issues, big ones.”

  He looked at the ground somberly. “Yeah. I’ll be on the treadmill,” he said. He squeezed my shoulder on his way by.

  I stood with my backpack dangling in my hand for I don’t know how long, just staring at the space where Notting once stood. Mixed emotions thundered through me. What the fuck was going on? I had to find out. I hastily stuffed my shit into a locker and took off after him. I found him walking at a brisk pace on one of the treadmills. There wasn’t anyone else around. Notting stared at the soundless TV screen in front of him, perhaps reading the closed-captioning.

  “Hey,” I said unhappily. “Tell me what’s going on.” I had to be blunt, right?

  Notting took in a deep breath. “I’m not sure, really.” He reached out, pushing at some buttons on the machine, slowing his stride just as I pushed at mine to get started. “Things were great when I first moved in. And then one day, about four weeks into it, she was distracted, almost distraught, and very emotional. She wouldn’t tell me why, making up something about her friend, Cassidy. Something just didn’t sit right with me. It’s gotten better, but something’s still off.”